The big question this week has been 'Was I happy with my size at target?' the blunt answer is 'I DON'T KNOW' I never enjoyed being slim... it has been a constant battle. I am around 12lbs above target weight at present.
A lot of people have commented on how much healthier I look now in regards to my size and my skin and probably the fact I have a huge smile on my face. My target weight took me to a size 8 and sometimes on top a 6, it felt amazing but I can't help but feel for me it was hard to maintain.
I'm going to find a happy medium here, a place where I feel happy and this time it isn't about the numbers on the scales, it's about me, how I feel.
I lived for losses and I lived for awards at group, pretty sad looking back, I got a buzz from it but that being said it was addictive, if you have read my previous posts you will see why.
I tried to be happy, convinced myself I was happy and BOOM it all blew up and it's safe to say the scales broke me.
Time to be happy...
This is the time now where I'm learning a lot about myself, I hit target almost 6 months ago so I've been 'slim' for 6 months but I haven't enjoyed it because my focus was on the scales.
As long as I find a happy balance in myself I know I can be happy. I'm going by how my clothes fit now with the odd check on the scales, gym work too once my knee decides to be nice to me and of course running.
A huge weight has been lifted since I left group, I haven't binged, I have been quite in control and I like that a lot. I'm going to introduce a treat night once a week soon, when I feel 100% in myself again, something to look forward to.
I'm trying to embrace the new curvier me, I fit perfectly into size 10s now which was always a dream, pushing myself for them size 8s broke me, it's a label and a number that's all, I just NEED to feel happy in myself and as the days go on it's getting better.
It doesn't matter what you weigh, what size clothes you wear the most important thing is being happy.
The support from social media has been amazing, I was so scared to speak out about my struggles, I see so many target success stories and the fear of putting my side out there was really scary, but I appreciate everyone's support so much.
Mission now is learn to love myself as I am and enjoy my new life. It's not about the scales anymore it's about enjoying everything I missed out on. I spent 12 years overweight, obese and morbidly obese. I was a young mum stuck in the house eating through my loneliness. I intend to live life to the full now, I'm a little crazy and random but it's time to make up for lost time, if I want to do something I certainly won't be holding back.
Thanks for reading as always. Comments are always welcome xxx
As you know there has been weight gain since target......
I'll never be back there I guess I am just work in progress, ready to find my happy place
BEFORE SLIMMING WORLD
LEFT IS NOW - RIGHT IS AT MY TARGET WEIGHT