What 2016 has taught me...

If you reach for your dreams and goals you will achieve them, however it requires real dedication and hard work but you will do it.

I've learned that being 'skinny' as people would say isn't all that. I got there and wasn't in a great place with my relationship with food, we need to aim for a size/weight we can maintain.

Life is for living, I put my life on hold, missed out for a number on the scales, I'm making up for it now.

You need to learn to love yourself no matter what size/height/shape etc you are love begins within ourselves we need to accept who we are and learn to grow as people and love ourselves along the way.

I've also realised life isn't a textbook unexpected things can happen and sometimes you have to just take each day as it comes.

I've learnt you need to be kind to people who you care about, keep them close as tomorrow isn't always promised.

2016 I've found myself and grown as a person but there's also plenty of traits I need to work on too. I've learnt I'm very quick to jump to conclusions, sometimes I need to take a step back and chill. I've also realised I have a terrible addiction to M&Ms what's that all about?

To grow as people we need to make mistakes, put ourselves out of our comfort zone and enjoy every single moment of life we have.

Sometimes I think hmmm a day out with my kids with nice food or 1lb lighter in 4 days, memories over scales for me always.

Remember weight gain when it happens  is in fact temporary and can be shifted.

Focus on self love, being happy in yourself, being kind to that person who you look at each day in the mirror, that's our competition that's who we battle with daily and that's who we need to look after.

Be kind to yourself xx

New year new me crap...

Yep I said it and yep I said crap!

I've weighed I know where I am and I'm riding solo following Slimming World. See if I can do it, see if I have that willpower in me. I won't weigh now until the end of January, it's going to help me I just know it.

I'm a daily weigher, a nightmare in fact. Yet I know weighing at the end of January will boost me, will give me a kick. I want at least 14lbs off, I need that massive boost to prove to myself I can do it. Looking at old pictures last night come on what happened to me? Oh wait.. food happened, life happened but yeah I'll say that word again it happens.

Life is for living and any weight gain is temporary if we know we can sort it out. I want to feel good about myself, I want to be able to wear clothes I've got sat in my wardrobe.

If I'm cheating anyone it's myself, I need to do this for me, for my mind, for my happiness. There is no pressure but I'm so ready to absolute go all out for this. I need to feel better about myself now, for my sanity and happiness.

3 blog posts in a week. I talk a lot.

Sorry about me

Dealing with Christmas...

So what did I do? Erm... I ate all the food. Hello miss piggy, oh yep that's me. There's a song that's pretty apt 'they see me rollin'' oh yep I rolled alright. I ate because it was Christmas and because well why not eh?

However I've changed in many ways, so last Christmas I was stressing and counting my syns this year I was like you know what just roll with it Kez and enjoy. I did just that, my relationship towards food has changed so much.

I mean once you find the right balance you're laughing right? Wrong. The happier you become and the more relaxed you get with food the harder it is to get back on it. Well for me anyway. It's always one more chocolate one more crisp. When I was on it last year loosing my weight I was like this untouchable slimming world machine who did no wrong now I'm like a slimming world rebel.

I've maintained my weight for like 2 ish months months now, why couldn't I do that at target? Well I think the weight wasn't manageable for me, I've a new target in mind but will I ever snap out of this relaxed mode? I'm doing no damage but I'm doing no good either.

Any advice guys? I need that mojo I once had, I need the kezza flame. Is it because I'm enjoying life? Is it because I'm happier with myself? I don't know, wish I knew. All I know is I need to lose weight as I'm not 100% happy, just not sure I'll ever get there like.


I had to lose myself to find myself....

Starting off with a new name. 'Target Little Black Dress' was my aim, forever hoping to get to goal and get in that little black dress.

I did it however that's when the problems for me started.

My story...

Ok so where do I start? At the beginning I guess. I joined Slimming World wanting to lose weight, I was almost 20 stone, unhappy, lonely and ashamed of who I was. I was a young mum and my kids were growing up, I was forever ashamed of being that big mum in the playground.

When I joined Slimming World I never ever imagined I would end up losing 10 stone. As the stones dropped off I was getting more addicted to the feeling, more addicted to the certificates, more addicted to the feeling of them scales moving every week but I was also forgetting to live my life along the way. I stopped socialising and eating out, I was scared to eat certain things in case of weight gain and I was used as this example every single week at group and finally the pressure got to me.

Yes I lost 10 stone very quickly but it didn't make me happy, I was sad, scared to eat and forever hiding behind a fake smile, surely being my dream size would bring me instant happiness? Sadly it didn't.

What changed...

It all changed this August when I went on holiday, I wanted to be normal, I wanted to eat ice cream, chips and things 'normal' people do, that's when I let go a little bit and I am so glad I did. This summer was amazing, I made some really special memories, I ate, drank and did some amazing things, memories which will stay with me forever. That's when it hit me, is it really worth stressing over a number?

My moto in life now is 'memories over the scales'

My thoughts over BMI...

So - BMI - always sets up a debate 20-25 is healthy range, right? I focused so hard to be in the range, I got there (left pic) was 24.6 BMI and the right picture with a BMI of 26. For me this is why I will not be setting a number to live around (everyone is different) this is what partly sent me to obsessive mode, I potentially could of lost 2 and a bit more stone and been 'healthy'. I know being that BMI is not for me, I lost the parts of me I liked and became very boney, so NHS this little 5 foot 3 kezza will sadly not be in range to be happy.

So much more needs to be taken into consideration when calculating BMI, well that's my thoughts anyway as we are all very different.

I lost myself for a while...

For a while I went through the scales don't matter stage, but lets face it that really isn't going to work is it kez when you keep eating kebabs, M&Ms and being naughty. I even joined weight watchers briefly but I just couldn't switch.

I have finally realised I can have a healthy relationship with food, enjoy life and do Slimming World along the way. It has taken time and I have also gained 2 stone in that time. The gym went out the window as I injured my knee and I'm currently having physiotherapy at the hospital, so that will be a while now, but the food bit will be sorted.

What now....

So Aug-Dec have been 40% Slimming World and I gained 2 stone. I have gone from a size 8 to a size 12 which to me isn't the end of the world, it's temporary and I am not the size 24 woman I once was.

I am absolutely terrified not going to lie and will probably result in me standing on the scales and going full on girly and having a proper cry over what I see but I am re joining Slimming World, it's the only way. I'm not setting a target this time, I am not focusing on a number I aim to have a healthy mind and a good relationship with food and balance that in with life is my priority.

I now know the aim isn't to get as small as possible or to only fit into size 8 clothes, the aim in this for me now is to find a healthy balance and to be happy.

I need to be kind to myself and use the amazing tools that Slimming World offer.

here's my target plus 2 stone

Instagram ....

I just love instagram, the support, the people, everything. I feel I can share my ups and my downs without being judged and that's amazing. 2017 is hopefully the year I find my true happiness in weight, mind set and in life in general. I aim to face things head on, I will struggle, cry, laugh, stress but I know one thing, I won't give up.

It's time for me to move on and start a new chapter in my life in more ways than one so I am heading into 2017 full of positivity, I will be sharing my journey to what I hope will be 'happiness'

Thanks for reading the pure torture of this essay, I talk for England most of the time, I feel so much better now it's all down in black and white.

However for now..... it's Christmas and I plan to demolish a £6 box of Ferrero rochers on Christmas Day and I won't stop until I feel sick, well because I can! Oh and my dessert needs to have extra thick cream on too with a cheeky glass of wine then I'll be happy.

P.S my Christmas dinner needs to be swimming in gravy, with half a plate of crispy roasters, at least 2 Yorkshire puddings and stuffing balls otherwise I will go on strike.

Before slimming world v now
All I know is, I will never be her again

Update...food, fitbit. fitness and life

Hey guys,

Since my last blog post about my struggles I have felt so much better, I've been plodding on food wise with a good balance, had a weekend away involving lots of bad food and alcohol (oops) and just pretty much maintained where I am at. I've learnt not to be hard on myself anymore, I don't stress over eating carbs (yes I got to a point where I was scared to eat them in case I gained weight) I just look back and I feel grateful I have overcome a dark place I was in.

So what now?
I need to up my game, still not happy where I am, I need to snap into weight loss mode, not plodding on mode(minus the scales) I know what to do and I have set some rules for myself to which I will stick by, well just the one rule really 'LIVE YOUR LIFE ASWELL' I learnt the hard way and deprived myself for 13 months, if it takes me a year to get where I want to be then you know what so be it, it's a journey not a race.

Something I must improve on, I have a gym membership so I need to use it as when I go I love it and can smash a really good session, booking in for some classes this week, HELP!!

So I have 1 month to prepare myself for a 10k run, no pressure Kez, no pressure, do I panic yet? I'm not a runner at all. I much prefer other things however it's a goal, a focus and something I am determined to do, any tips for me to help me along? The last run I did was 5k I think within 3 minutes I was shouting 'I'm dying' ... 'I'm dead'... 'Save me' erm and I'm not even joking!! How I managed it and an inflatable obstacle course after I do not know... LOL

The 10k is in a big hilly park, erm... so yeah, kind of jumped in at the deep end here haven't I? I'll be the one at the back, red sweaty and probably shouting that I'm dying again. I'm not doing it against the clock though I'm doing it so I can focus on something and achieve something. I enjoy doing things I would never of done before, like I randomly got a tattoo last weekend, I just said to myself 'I'm going to do something random today'

I like being random and doing spontaneous things, I've booked in to give blood in 3 weeks, booked in for a piercing and I'm even signing back up to uni (even if my documents got lost in the post and I have to wait again) but yeah the way I see it now is life is for living I want to enjoy it and do crazy things!

So this is the fun bit....

I've had my little devices for a while now LOVE THEM I've gone from someone who didn't know what a cross trainer was to someone who loves walking and when I go to the gym I can smash an hours hard work, so I need to get back there and sort it!!

Fitbit's are brilliant little gadgets that encourage you to move more, lots of choices and lots of different features.

Features include from different models: Sleep tracking, workout tracking, heartbeat monitor, on screen work outs, caller ID, swim proof, clock and SO much more. Something for everyone for every budget.

Check out what features you'd like on yours here:


What I use my fitbits for: (you can have more than one per account)

Alta - Every day use, step tracking, sends me my texts, move alarm and it looks really pretty, you can change the straps too.

One - Little gadget to fit in your pocket, perfect for counting them steps

Charge HR - Tracking my workouts, heart rate, calories burnt, distance - perfect for running and the gym.

Challenge - Starting Monday 26th
I need a challenge, does anyone fancy jumping on it with me? 20k steps a day for 4 weeks in a row

my fitbit name is targetlittleblackdress@gmail.com

drop me a message and we can all join in a challenge to get moving and get fit, we can check in with each other to see how we are all getting on, spur each other on, think of Christmas and those party outfits.

 I want to feel at my best it's been a while!!!

Time to be happy...

Since my last blog post I feel so much better in myself, my thoughts and feelings needed to be aired, I just couldn't carry on being this 'perfect slimming worlder' as that really isn't me.

The big question this week has been 'Was I happy with my size at target?' the blunt answer is 'I DON'T KNOW' I never enjoyed being slim... it has been a constant battle. I am around 12lbs above target weight at present.

A lot of people have commented on how much healthier I look now in regards to my size and my skin and probably the fact I have a huge smile on my face. My target weight took me to a size 8 and sometimes on top a 6, it felt amazing but I can't help but feel for me it was hard to maintain.

I'm going to find a happy medium here, a place where I feel happy and this time it isn't about the numbers on the scales, it's about me, how I feel.

I lived for losses and I lived for awards at group, pretty sad looking back, I got a buzz from it but that being said it was addictive, if you have read my previous posts you will see why.

I tried to be happy, convinced myself I was happy and BOOM it all blew up and it's safe to say the scales broke me.

Time to be happy...

This is the time now where I'm learning a lot about myself, I hit target almost 6 months ago so I've been 'slim' for 6 months but I haven't enjoyed it because my focus was on the scales.

As long as I find a happy balance in myself I know I can be happy. I'm going by how my clothes fit now with the odd check on the scales, gym work too once my knee decides to be nice to me and of course running.

A huge weight has been lifted since I left group, I haven't binged, I have been quite in control and I like that a lot. I'm going to introduce a treat night once a week soon, when I feel 100% in myself again, something to look forward to.

I'm trying to embrace the new curvier me, I fit perfectly into size 10s now which was always a dream, pushing myself for them size 8s broke me, it's a label and a number that's all, I just NEED to feel happy in myself and as the days go on it's getting better.

It doesn't matter what you weigh, what size clothes you wear the most important thing is being happy.

Thank you...

The support from social media has been amazing, I was so scared to speak out about my struggles, I see so many target success stories and the fear of putting my side out there was really scary, but I appreciate everyone's support so much.

Mission now is learn to love myself as I am and enjoy my new life. It's not about the scales anymore it's about enjoying everything I missed out on. I spent 12 years overweight, obese and morbidly obese. I was a young mum stuck in the house eating through my loneliness. I intend to live life to the full now, I'm a little crazy and random but it's time to make up for lost time, if I want to do something I certainly won't be holding back.

Thanks for reading as always. Comments are always welcome xxx

As you know there has been weight gain since target......

I'll never be back there I guess I am just work in progress, ready to find my happy place



Moving On

Hey Hey Hey! I just need to do this to move on


So yeah, in 13 months I lost 10 stone on the Slimming World plan, which I am still very very proud of, with that comes pressure. I was Kerry who lost 10 stone, who everyone looked up to, who everyone asked for advice, who everyone gasped at, who would get spoke about to friends/family. I found this very hard to deal with, I'm just me and always have been.

I found it very hard to live up to the 'perfect Slimming World member' when I was loosing weight I guess I was but there was problems with that too (see previous blog post) but at target behind closed doors I was fighting old habits, binging but then pulling back for days on end hardly eating just so I could be 'Kerry who lost 10 stone' that's no life, it was a strange obsession for months on end, binge all day then not eat properly, it hit a nerve...obsessions/addictions whatever you may call them can lead to dark places, I didn't want to go down this route, I couldn't. I lost my mum when I was 2 because she had some problems herself, it hit home and I knew I had to change.

Since hitting target I have pretty much binged, pulled it back and binged and pulled it back because I feel like I've been thrown in the deep end with nothing to focus on apart from a number on the scales, since hitting target I needed the support more than ever.

Instagram I used to feel pressured to be perfect however I do take great comfort knowing posting my struggles can help someone else in the same position.


Is when it all went a bit wrong, my own fault, I spiralled but because I was enjoying things I didn't before, I knew my obsession/habits had to change... it started with holiday, I ate and ate and ate because I could and started the whole 'guilty' feelings which made me eat more.

I also have recently got back in contact with some family members who are very special to me which lead into nights out of drinking and bad food, being an only child with no parents is tough so family really does mean to world to me, to me these moments in life are special and scales don't matter, making memories is more important.

However this then lead to more fun with friends more alcohol, more bad food and then that leaves me here in this little old mess I'm in.


Bad feelings about myself rubs off on others, something I had no idea I was doing, I was in this crazy little 'eat what I want' bubble but getting stressed and snappy over silly little things, beating myself up, over thinking about life and I haven't been in a good place. It took someone I care about to say how I had affected them and it hit home, it was never my intention to make anyone feel bad or bring them down, my problems clearly were not helping anyone.

What now?

I've left my Slimming World group for my sanity, I don't want to live my life based on numbers, it's pretty obvious for me personally it's too much. I want to be me now, not Kerry who lost 10 stone, I want to be my own person and to grow into who I want to be become, I'm 31 and have so many things in life I want to achieve, I missed out on so much when I was overweight.

I stood on the scales and cried my eyes out, stood in the mirror and had a cry too, I've not gained 10 stone back, far from and it's not even that much of a gain but it's how I feel in myself.

Today I woke up positive, ready and very very aware of what's happened this past month. I've forgiven myself, I've taken pictures and it's not the end of the world, it's a hurdle I just need to get over.


So in-between the crazy month I did my first 5k - shocking effort but I tried haha. October 23rd I do a 10k so its gym gym gym and train, something to focus on, I'll be using my fitbit devices which I will blog about very soon.

New Beginnings

My new chapter in life is just beginning, I just needed to let it all out to move forward. Getting to target hasn't made me happier instantly, it's been hard work fighting my own demons I guess but to me it's no longer 'target' it's about being happy in myself and for now that's work in progress, no scales, no pressure I just want to live my life, I will of course be eating healthy, I have to. However I feel the instant ease knowing I don't have to weigh every week and plan my life around the sad step.

Loosing weight is brilliant but nobody prepares you for how you feel when you want to live your new slimmer life, you feel punished for enjoying things you couldn't and didn't before. I am trying to find my balance, trying to ease up on myself and trying to chill a little.

WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED!!!! Thanks for reading....I managed without crying or eating a grab bag of m&ms - yes kezza hi 5's all round, though I could murder a kebab but I will have an apple.


The issue is me....

Hey guys, this is a really really long one. Apologies.

The Journey.....

I wanted to get it all into one post, my whole journey and my feelings now.

So yeah lets go back to 26th January 2015 when I joined Slimming World, I was getting bigger, sadder and more depressed about my size, I knew something had to change. I grew up without my mum she sadly passed away when I was two, the thought of my children having no mum growing up terrified me, it's something I've never had, a bond with a parent is something I lacked in my life and looking back had a lot to deal with my weight issues.

Anyway, moving on I was doing amazing at Slimming World, the weight was dropping off me which was amazing but looking back now it was unhealthy for me and my mind. I made crazy sacrifices and it got to a point where I was scared to eat things. Your opinion may change of me now, I've never talked about this before but you know what why sugar coat things?

I used to be scared of syns, I had them but hated myself after, I didn't enjoy holidays, going out with friends and I even took scales out when I went to eat for meals, some may call it focused and determined looking back now I just think I was bloody crazy!

I hit a loss of 9 stone 2lbs on my 52nd week of Slimming World, this is the point where things went rocky for me, the pressure finally hit me and I sat in group that day in front of everyone and I sobbed like a baby, I felt relief because I pushed so hard for it and I finally did it, I had a couple of rocky weeks then hit target of a 10 stone loss, this for me is when my problems started. I thought I was a strong person but this proved otherwise.

Target, another journey begins...

I was able to enjoy food without the fear of gaining weight I thought, however this has since triggered old habits, I am either a Slimming World angel or a PIG there is no in between. Because I didn't enjoy the plan whilst actively loosing weight I just pressured myself way too much its now causing me problems, old habits are kicking in and that scares me.

It's a massive deal for me to address this all with everyone and myself, I struggle a lot of the time when people say I am an inspiration when in fact I'm sat there looking at my phone with a grab bag of m&ms and a kebab, yes it's happened before!!! LOL

I was way too obsessed in weight loss mode and it's causing me problems now, so my advice for everyone would be to enjoy your life too, learn to love the plan, live with the plan and just remember it's only a number on the scales.

I am learning to live my life again now, I can wear the clothes I have always wanted to and do the things I love and I know food will happen and weight will change. I've decided not to focus on 'being at target' it's a number as long as I'm happy and enjoying my life that to me is more important.

I spent my whole 20s overweight and depressed, I need to stop being hard on myself and enjoy my life, my target weight is 9 stone 6lbs and as soon as it hits 10 stone that's when I need to pull it back which is exactly what I have seen this morning, I'll never be that person again and I am determined to try and beat these old habits.

Sometimes we all need to step back and take a look at the bigger picture, is our weight worth stressing over for the rest of our lives? My moto now is life is for living, I have been SO hard on myself this week but with the support of my online friends & followers I'm here now typing this saying you know what it's going to be ok. I like that we can reach out and help others going through the same struggles, it really means a lot.

So yeah, there you have it my crazy old feelings, a huge high 5 for reading this far haha.


Stay true to yourself and be honest about things, if you're struggling speak up, pressure is also no good for anyone and also enjoy the ride, take the scenic route if you must but just give yourself a pat on the back every day because at least you're trying.


10 stone loss in pictures - YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED

Hi guys!! Just a little update from me, had lots of questions lately so doing a blog post to cover it all

I took pictures along the way, it really helped see my progress as sometimes we can't always see. I often get asked many questions about my weight loss so I am hoping I can cover some here....

How did you loose so quick?
I stuck to plan every week, I didn't go over syns or have a cheat night, have faith in the plan it really works.

How did you stay motivated?
I was doing it for me, I was my own motivation, I just pushed myself for the results I wanted

Do you have loose skin?
Yes I do, however it can be covered with clothes, toned in the gym and worked on. I would much rather have some loose skin than be 10 stone heavier, I get SO many messages saying people are worried about the loose skin... DON'T BE!!

Lots of water, speed food, change your food and healthy extras as much as possible

Did you exercise?
Honestly, not really. I'm fairly active anyway but the exercise started once I hit target.

Would you be a Slimming World consultant?
I get asked this often, the answer is no, it's not for me. I love attending group and helping out but I like sitting down through image therapy, I couldn't stand there in front of people and try to motivate them, I haven't got it in me I don't think. I'm very happy as a member.

Did you eat all your syns?
It varied from day to day, nothing was off the menu, some days I had 5 and some 15 I just went with the flow.

Fitbit update....

I've been a busy bee, it's me and my Fitbit against the world every day, I love it! It keeps me on track and keeps me going seeing them numbers go up.

I've recently joined a new gym and I have been mostly using my Charge HR model, which can I just say is brilliant, it tracks steps and workouts along with your heart rate.

So where do I start? Lets start with measurements...

Since I have started using my Fitbit models, they have encouraged me to move more as well as exercise, so the results are in...

Waist - (-4 inches)
Thighs - (-1 inch per thigh)
Bust - (-2 inches)
Hips - (-2 inches)

I'm CHUFFED, my weight has remained the same, it just shows that moving more pays off! I feel smaller, in fact I feel great, so much more energy.

This is THEN and NOW

10 stone heavier and NOW which is 10 stone lighter plus my Fitbit results, my aim is to tone up and it's working!


I joined a new gym, I was a member of a previous gym but just didn't find the time to go, I woke up one day and had a word with myself, the home workouts were fab but they just were not giving me the results I wanted, I wanted to push myself that little bit harder.

So it has been me my Fitbit Charger HR, and my Fitbit accessories of course!!

I've been doing some cardio, arm and leg work.

I've taken this shot just from my leg work.... using Charge HR model

Out of the gym

I'm still moving more and tracking exercise, I thought the stats from mowing the lawn were quite interesting, it was a hot day and the grass was pretty long but it just goes to show...

The day I mowed the lawn it was leg day at the gym, I did lots of gardening and I really didn't stop moving, I had some great stats from that day....


It's been such a crazy few months, reaching my goal weight and working on me through fitness. I've never felt better, I have so much more energy, so much more motivation and I love working on myself for myself. Fitbit is such a fab device it motivates me so much every single day, it's pushed me to reach for them goals, move more and become fitter. I can't wait to see where I am in another few months.

A mid afternoon stroll with the children in the park and I was already over 20k...

I feel like a new person - Thank you Fitbit!!!!